I lost control.
I lost you because I let you go. I evaluated my opinions and didn’t choose you. A cold blood and insensitive me broke you into a thousand pieces. Who is this person?
It was my decision to do what I did, my heart got frozen, you tried to warm it up, you just hurt your hands, blame on me.
How could you love someone like me? You didn’t even know who I was.
I darken your transparent soul... I’m already expecting the moment life charges me all I’ve done.
Your heart can’t be healed with a bandage, our life can’t be fixed, the pain can’t be erased and our love can’t be recovered. Can it?
Every corner of the city hunts me. Seeing couples holding hands, doing what we used to do, breaks my heart. I can’t help it, I see myself everywhere with you. I feel incomplete.
But in the end, the fact is that I played with you, you gave me all you had in a box and I scattered it over the floor and throw the box away. Not once but three times...
There are no excuses.
You deserve better, to move on. I deserve to be alone. I never deserved you. It seems like I only bring pain to you...and now the pain is consuming me.
How could you live with someone like me after this? Someone who failed you. Someone who ripped your heart out of your chest with no remorse and crushed it with her very own hands. There is no good in me.
Perfection is an illusion, or maybe not. Maybe it’s just not me for you. Perhaps your perfection is outside in the world and you are just wasting your time with me, maybe she is the reason we are still apart. Destiny holds a whole new path for us and we just keep holding to what we are familiar with.
My inside hurts only with thinking about you with someone else, I can’t imagine how you must feel...probably there won’t be ever enough time for you to heal. And my sentence will be to see you move on and love someone else who loves you just as you know and deserve.
I will have to learn to live with that, cuz love doesn’t vanish, love will be my suffering.
- 2/27/2020
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