So did you
8/14/2018
I realized I don't want you.
Whether your are the kind of man who sleeps with random girls, or you are the kind of guy who allows itself to fall for someone else, when having a girl already mad for him...
I don't want this guy who you became, or who you always have been.
The guy who look at girls with lust on his eyes, who desires someone else. I still want a man who meets me and the whole world disappears, who can't conceive cheating on me, who believes no one could ever compare with me. How self-centered and naive I am?
But for that matter, you shouldn't love me or want me either, because we are the same.
I also allowed myself to fall for someone else.
If we have acted the same, maybe it's a clear proof, that we are the same.
I looked at someone else, so did you
I entangled myself with his words and hypnotizing voice, so did you
I wanted to kiss him desperately, so did you
I reached that point and further, so did you
I saw myself with him, despite his circumstances, so did you.
I doubted if you were the one for me, at least for once, you did too
I jeopardize us for someone else, so did you
I lied when I told you that didn't fall for him, am afraid you did too...
Whether your are the kind of man who sleeps with random girls, or you are the kind of guy who allows itself to fall for someone else, when having a girl already mad for him...
I don't want this guy who you became, or who you always have been.
The guy who look at girls with lust on his eyes, who desires someone else. I still want a man who meets me and the whole world disappears, who can't conceive cheating on me, who believes no one could ever compare with me. How self-centered and naive I am?
But for that matter, you shouldn't love me or want me either, because we are the same.
I also allowed myself to fall for someone else.
If we have acted the same, maybe it's a clear proof, that we are the same.
I looked at someone else, so did you
I entangled myself with his words and hypnotizing voice, so did you
I wanted to kiss him desperately, so did you
I reached that point and further, so did you
I saw myself with him, despite his circumstances, so did you.
I doubted if you were the one for me, at least for once, you did too
I jeopardize us for someone else, so did you
I lied when I told you that didn't fall for him, am afraid you did too...
What an awful lesson...
Cause if we allowed ourselves to do that, it's because maybe we did not love that much.
We are just one of those couples. How terrible is that?
You and me was perfect for so long, that we resist to believe that is over, that we messed it up.
We got tired of perfection and pretended to deceive each other and ourselves.
What if we did not made a mistake, what if she is the one for you, and you just found yourselves at a bad timing? What if that's the reason you keep finding your way back together. I can taste the pain because of that, but maybe ripping you from her is only causing you more damage. Maybe I am stealing your time.
Our life was about to be perfection, if only weren't all a lie, if only you hadn't pretend for all those years, if only I hadn't have all those doubts, if only I hadn't saw someone else, if only our love had been enough.
We ended up on the same place.
I am so crazy about you, that hurts to accept you are not perfect. I have loved every inch of your body, of your mind, of your soul, that tears me apart, that you are not that man anymore. That you never were. I was in love with someone who isn't you, of someone who doesn't exist.
I fight every day with my reality, I refuse to not loving you the same, I refuse to feel the pain for losing you, I refuse to accept this is who you truly are.
I want to love you either way, but I don't feel your unconditional love anymore, the unconditional love I cried for, I prayed for. The love I wanted to get back.
Everything you do for me I feel is out of guilt, instead of love.
Now I see what you see, my flaws. You stopped seeing the good in me and I stopped too, only that you did years ago, and I didn't know. Now I realized that while I questioned and criticized you a month ago, you did it years ago. Unconsciously I was been compared for a long time, and I am weak, cause with only a couple of conscious comparison weeks am already exhausted.
I don't want this for my life, I want to be enough. I don't like games where losing is a possibility, I want you to bet for me every time. I want you to be sure it's me.
Our love was misplaced, we didn't love the same way at the same time.
If our love couldn't be perfect when we had it all, I doubt any love could ever be.
You blamed me for that. I blame you.
We both are guilty.
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